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Native, first generation

192 Comments
photo by Wolfgang Stearns
photo by Wolfgang Stearns

We always had to talk in hushed whispers. Occasionally my grandmother would forget, her voice raising, her r’s rolling. We were strange, we were strangers.

Those old farmers, in those old Ohio fields tilled my native state’s soil and yet, I was a foreigner.

To be a first generation American is always an experience in divided loyalties. To be a first generation Latina in the 1970’s in the rural, flat expanses of mid-west corn rows, was a lesson in split personality disorder.

In the summer of 1974 we visited my cousins in Spain. We walked along cobbled-stone, narrow roads while the neighbors shouted, “The Americans are here!” to one another.

Earlier in that very year, I had started school. Dressed in a pristine, pressed dress with patent leather shoes and tightly braided hair, my casual t-shirt and jeans-clad classmates had sarcastically asked me, “What planet are you from?”

These memories float around in my mind 40 years later as I ride along Route 376 in my adopted industrial city of adulthood.
I’m riding behind a shiny red pick-up truck. A bumper sticker reads, “You’re in America now, speak English!”.

I hear my grandmother’s voice, her laugh, her forceful cadence. I see her in my mind’s eye, asking for the heads to be left on the fish at the market. And I recall the horrified looks on the faces of those meat-counter ladies at the downtown Kresge’s.

“You want the head left on the fish?”

“Si, si la cabeza, thank you!”

They would exchange a look of disgust.

But these native Americans were not Native American. Their story wasn’t so different from mine, the main difference is that it had been played out a couple generations before me. They had forgotten their own history, their customs, their language, the stories of
their ancestors.

I do speak English, Mr. Pickup.

And I remember, I remember everything.

192 thoughts on “Native, first generation”

  3. nicely said.. I lived in the USA for 8 years and felt out of place often. I am English!!!! – and now I live in France… hah! – I am really odd here, I can tell you. I don’t speak much French… awwwl now that is dreadful for me to admit to… 😉 eve

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  5. Excellent. The only thing worse than the treatment of the new comer is the treatment of First Nations. Here in Canada we grapple with it. It is a stain on country’s soul.

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  8. qué buen post!
    I ask for the fish head in the market as well (reading this has made me laugh). The soup or fish broth from it is delicious =^..^=

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  10. People forget so quickly where they came from. I will never understand the mentality of those that demand people “speak English” or conform in other ways and use it to justify their prejudice and hatred. A very well written and thought out blog. Impressed. –Curt

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  11. I’m first generation American as well. My people came from Europe in the 1900’s.They faced discrimination back then even though they weren’t “of color”. Various ethnic groups had their pet names for each other. They weren’t nice names, but I won’t go into that. My father became a boxer in order to protect himself from bullies. Those were tough times..

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  12. Thank you Spanishwoods for visiting my blog and bringing me to yours. Your writing is delicate and precise and I’ll be reading you often.
    nancy

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  20. Just a simple observation from a caucasion African – the US was populated by mainly Anglofonic European drop outs – hope you understand your problem and you have all my sympathy, for example there is no such thing a an Afro-American unless you are racist – you are an American be
    it black or white or a red skin you are an American and I don’t care what the liberals say.

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    1. I was with you right til we got to the liberals part – maybe it’s because I’m British and we use the word differently? To me, liberal would imply that someone was not discriminatory.

      This post reminded me of this comic strip: http://xkcd.com/84/

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  21. So pleased that you stopped by my blog! Your writing is beautiful. I have traveled to Spain many times and lived in Mexico. Both feel like home because, thank God, people are open and loving.I look forward to learning much more about you spanishwoods.

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  22. We have the same problem in Australia . We are a nation of immigrants yet the prevailing mood to to despise those of a multicultural background, let alone poor asylum seekers trying to make it to this country. I so enjoyed your post anď thanks for ĺiking mine

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  23. Sebastiana was from Spain and I from the US, and no matter which country we were in, one of us was always the outsider.
    Never mind that, we loved each other until she lost her battle with cancer.
    Americans aren’t hopeless, I agree. But like everywhere, a lack of meaningful education shows.

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  26. Very thoughtful and so well written. People too often forget the past and how their families arrived here (and why they came). Memory can be too short. We all need to remember…and never forget.

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  27. First, let me say I am glad you liked my blog post about Ethiopia. Second, because I live in Texas, when my high school students say something like the guy’s sign in the pickup, I tell them Spanish was spoken where they live long before English and native languages before that. Third, you might like my blogpost entitled “Blood Quantum”.

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  30. I’m from Panama in Central America. My native language is Spanish, but have adopted English as my communication’s language. It’s the Lingua Franca of the globe. I bounce back and forth between these two linguistics worlds.

    I have enjoyed your stories. We havea common ground which is Spain. My grandfather traveled from Spain to Colombia where he dropped anchor. My father traveled to Panama and stayed here. I was born here. One common mother Spain with two siblings: Colombia and Panama.

    Thank you for visiting my blog. I’m glad you did, so I could follow you to the woods.

    Best Wishes,

    Omar.-

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  32. Just to say “thank you” for visiting and liking my post “Ocean Dreams”. I enjoyed reading yours, but I have to say that there is something positive about the willingness to embrace and incorporate “outsiders” into American society, and I prefer it to the subtle rejection of foreigners in most places in the world, Europe included. Perhaps I’m an eternal optimist (I’m a foreigner, too, and – you’re right – who isn’t?), but I prefer to look at the Light side of things:) Blessings.

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    1. We all have a different story to tell, sometimes light, sometimes not so light. I believe that it is the sharing of these stories that can bring us together to a place of peaceful, genuine understanding.

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  33. I think it may also have to do with the background of the people. I grew up in a multicultural area in San Jose, CA. From an early age I saw people talking different languages and using different customs and styles of dress, so it seemed normal.

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  37. Well written. I agree with you about where we “Americans” came from. My grandparents came from Russia and they were forced to change their last name and speak English. We need to embrace he different cultures that make up the uniqueness.

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  38. What a great essay!

    My grandparents all emigrated from Ireland to New England in the early 20th century. Even though Irish Americans had been here for generations before them, and Boston was likely a fairly easy place to be Irish, they tried hard to blend in. Only at the end of her life, when dementia began to ravage her nearly 100 year old mind, did my nana’s long-suppressed brogue reassert itself.

    It is quite sad that many Americans are so anxious to flatten out our ethnic landscape and create a bland monoculture instead of welcoming diversity as the source of vigor and creative brilliance that it has always been for America.

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    1. Thank you. I agree that cultural alienation is unfortunate, but in some areas of our country it seems better than when I was growing up in the 70’s. Although I must say, sometimes I worry that we take one step forward and two steps back. Maybe one day we can all accept each other regardless of ethnicity or color or origin…it sounds like a fantasy and it makes me sad that it sometimes feels so unattainable.

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  40. I stumbled across these woods later than most. Out of Many, One People. That’s my island’s motto. I never had to feel native, I don’t feel particularly patriotic or descendent either. Jamaica is a pretty small place, we are taught English and profess it to be our national language; I guess it makes sense. Patios is my native tongue, we are taught to unlearn it. We aren’t taught much about our native island beyond our colonial history, I can’t really say that they could neither am I really native to the island but what generation would I be? I bear no Spain, or Britain, I do look African. I don’t feel like any of that. Okay maybe British more than any other. Jamaica is relatively young too. I figure I am a couple generations Reggae or Dancehall; or maybe christian. I speak a little Spanish and cultivate a bubbling wanderlust. Identity is as diverse and changing as we accept.

    Thanks for sharing, it sure got me thinking.

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    1. Welcome to my little wooded corner. I think the world seems smaller today than it did when I was growing up and so I believe there have been improvements in the general feeling of bonding by our similarities and not being torn apart by our differences. Of course, there is always room for vast improvement, but perhaps someday we will all embrace your island’s excellent motto of “Out of Many, One People”. I truly love that.

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  42. I see this through a sociopsychological lens.

    I see a Spanish society that takes much of its strength from its ties to family, culture, and history while living far away from the land that supports and nurtures its worldview, holding on as best it can to its very self and wanting to respected for its values.

    Then I see a new country that worked hard to create its own identity based on individualism divest of most cultural ties to the past, that considers moving far from home and family a rite of passage for its young people, and that struggles to be respected as a relatively new country in an old world precisely because it values a constant state of innovation and development over tradition.

    When you take a person out of either of those worlds and plop them into the middle of the other, there is going to be more than a language barrier. There’s a psychological barrier between philosophies that runs deeper than religion.

    I don’t know, but I’m guessing that ethnocentric types in America who get their panties in a twist over people not speaking English may feel threatened at a deeper, ironically ineffable layer. It’s possible that their sense of identity as a country is being undermined because they fear the differences they worked so hard to homogenize are intruding on their culture.

    Has Spain always welcomed every new culture into itself? Does it quickly inculcate each new religion, philosophy, and family model with open arms? Does it support people acting other than the cultural norm and treat them with equal respect? Does it prefer that visitors and immigrants speak Spanish to ease communication? How would a Catalan answer the above?

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    1. The situation of being “other” has most likely existed for millennia. When one is transported from one area to another or when one country overtakes another, or in whatever situation when one group becomes dominant over another the result is this feeling of “not being a part of” the whole. I believe this is a universal experience which can leave its negative markers but can also allow one to feel strength through the rising above bigotry. Very few countries are exempt from having practiced such bigotries. But as mentioned, I believe there is hope that through education, time, and technology people as individuals will become more united and more tolerant. Our experiences and stories can bring us together by the sharing of our collective courage.

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  47. Congrats on being #FreshlyPressed Sylvia! Well deserved. Lovely story. I look forward to your posts every day. We are practically neighbors, you know. Someday – we may just bump into each other in this crazy ‘Burgh we call home. 🙂

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    1. Thank you. Yes, you’re right…I’ll see you in the Strip or on the South Side…even though we live in Ohara, I’m mostly on the East End so perhaps someday we will run into each other! I also look forward to your posts every day. Take care…

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  50. I enjoyed your post. I live in New Mexico and I am amazed at how people seamlessly move between English and Spanish and that they can tell what language to use simply by looking at you. Language effects how we think and bi- or multilingual people have an expanded mental toolbox that is advantageous.

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    1. Yes, I suppose that’s true. Knowing more than one language can be advantageous. Because my family is from the North of Spain I have very light skin and blue eyes so I don’t share the beautiful dark features of indigenous Hispanics. Often people would have no idea that Spanish is my first language by looking at me since in America one would think that I look more Anglo. You are right, language does affect how we think. I find languages very interesting and wish that I understood more.

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